Karaoke in Staten Island

I feel a little down today. The hope I have had lately about eventually finding someone isn’t there. I am planning on going out tonight to do karaoke, at an event through my new online dating site. It will be in Staten Island, and to me anything about New York is exciting. But I even contemplated not going, and just staying home to watch movies. The more complete my profile is, pertaining to what it is I’m really looking for in a guy, the fewer guys seem to contact me. Occasionally some guy will send me a note which is an exact verbatim word for word copy of the one he sent me a week ago. I always call them on it. I say, “It looks like you have a template that you send out to every woman.” Something in my nature does not allow me to hold back in these cases. I always try to be nice as a rule. But in this case it is more important for me to let them know most women aren’t so stupid, and certainly not me.

Then there are the guys who try to manipulate me with flattery. Ok, let’s get into it; guys who have no shirt on in their pics (usually not a turn on), guys who take a picture with themselves and the last fish they caught (really?), guys who have pics up with themselves and an attractive woman or 2, guys who have 8 shots with the exact same expression in every shot (scary) and guys who look blurry, weird, scary, spooky, strange, demented, frickin old! Or like the one I just saw today, who obviously still lives in his mom’s house; her lovely 3 piece living room set prominently displayed in the background in the webcam pic he took of himself, his lovely plasma screen TV which he probably watches all day (when not on the computer picking up women) prominently set on top.

Well, my point was I am discouraged, but I decided I will still go to this thing tonight. After all I love to sing. And when I do karaoke, I get the sense of fitting in with everyone else, because then it’s not like I’m a stranger. In fact, I feel I have something in common with everyone there who is doing karaoke, or even just watching others like myself sing. You have to know I am not planning on meeting anyone. I just never do. I don’t mean for it to be that way. I don’t plan it that way. It’s just that I am me. And it seems there is no one like me. At any rate, especially in this area of the world (the Jersey Shore), no one seems to share my faith. I began writing about my new friend Dante, and will share the writing with you in the next blog. He may have stopped writing to me, and everything seemed to be going fine until I talked to him (through email message on the site) about how my faith is in the Bible. Apparently he believed in God, but not in the Bible as God’s authoritative word. What can I do? I believe it is. I never expect anyone to follow it perfectly, as I myself am a far cry from doing so. But such belief is a “non-negotiable” in a relationship with me.  And so, when I do find myself beginning to be interested in a guy who has nice pictures, says fun and interesting things on his profile, and with whom I genuinely seem to be connecting, before I get him on the phone, or agree to meet in person, I ask about his faith. Like it or not, it will always be the determining factor.

Anyway, I am sitting on my bed right now, after several changes of outfit; I am dressed and ready to go. I decided I am going to have fun (to bring myself out of this slump). I am going to go get $50 in cash, a large sum of which will be spent to get over the “Outer bridge” connecting New Jersey with Staten Island, and some will be for drinks and maybe dinner or something light. And when I come home, whether I have a good time or not, I will tell you about it. Ok so tonight I am doing this not only for me, but for you. Here it goes…

It is now the following day, I don’t have anything too outstanding to report. My most prominent memory is driving away as the DJ for the karaoke that evening sang “New York State of Mind,” out on the deck in the beautiful Staten Island North Beach-side air. Before I had even arrived that evening, things started out rough as I missed my exit and got on the Verazano Bridge by accident. I followed my GPS as it directed me around a small area of Brooklyn. I enjoyed it in a way, envisioning I could be living in and getting to know that area quite well in a year or so. I even spotted a couple places where I could do my rollerblading stunts. I was sure that when I crossed back over the large bridge they would give me a break, but they didn’t. This little excursion cost me $13.00. One kind lady did however give me a number I could call to dispute it. But when I called the number they insisted that I would not get my money back, although apparently due to recent construction, this was an error other motorists commonly made as well.

Determined not to let my night be ruined I arrived at the designated place. It was really fancy and I was glad I had purchased the attractive little $5.99 necklace from Rite Aid before starting my journey. Apart from sitting outdoors in a cozy little living room-esque type area, while the breeze swept off the ocean cooler and cooler as the evening progressed, the night was pretty uneventful. The strangers were very nice to me and complimented my singing. There was a screen where everyone could see the words to the songs as they were sung. As a writer, I always very much enjoy seeing the lyrics to songs which are standards from the 50s and back, because of course there is always a reason they have stood the test of time, and thus are being sung by folks in their 50s and 60s at such karaoke nights. These songs from an artistic standpoint are very well written and touching songs.

The one thing that did stand out to me this evening was a certain good looking guy. He and his friend were standing near a ledge right next to the bar. I saw that they were very attractive and also looked like very nice guys, not only appealing, but also welcoming. I said “Hi” and asked whether they were with the online dating site. I hadn’t been able to find anyone all evening who was from the group, and I was sure they would say they were. They didn’t seem to even know of it. The one guy of the 2 (I would have been interested in either one!) started talking to me and seemed to actively attempt to keep the conversation going. He was so attractive. I felt like I had struck gold. But I was acutely aware that I had gained a few pounds recently. I did not feel attractive enough for such a guy’s attention. I was surprised that he seemed to respond to me. I nonchalantly mentioned Facebook, which is the way I always make an attempt to stay in touch with someone. He – they, didn’t have Facebook, claiming he was older (as if I weren’t). He asked about the online group, and I suggested he look at my profile. He laughed and declined, as if to simply be turning down the site. I said, “Well, I don’t have a business card or anything…” I was obviously not in the practice of picking up guys at the bar. But I don’t think this was something he did often himself. With all my attempts failed, I said it was nice to meet them. He shook my hand and introduced himself and his friend. His name was Seth. I won’t forget it because I thought it was such a beautiful name. But I did not intend to degrade myself by coming on to a couple of good looking guys, so I respectfully said maybe I would see them later and went back to my seat.

I sang my next karaoke song as if these guys were listening. I hoped Seth would like me more. But I did not hear from him again that evening. I looked over in his direction and wondered if he was also looking at me. I wondered if they were both married, or if I had mistaken his signals. Eventually I looked over to find they had both left. During the drive home, I thought of him. I wondered if I might see him again. I recalled his demeanor and became convinced in retrospect that he really did seem interested in connecting with me. He had stepped out ahead of his friend and made an effort to ask about where I lived, and said he had friends out that way. He had lived in Brooklyn for 20 years and loved it. I told him I was probably moving there. But I had learned it was the guy’s job to connect, to pursue. And he just didn’t. All evening, even while they were both within view, I turned melancholy. They were both warm, and mature, not flirtatious, even like angels. I noticed that I desired this comfort. His friend had looked straight into my eyes when I spoke to him. He seemed stronger than me. Again there was that sense of need, and all evening a lingering question of how I would ever get that need met! The God I had always trusted in it seemed, had failed me. He never met this need. I knew I could not ever be “unequally yoked” with a man lacking my same faith. But how does such a passionate lady as myself ignore such feelings when they arise? Or what do I do to appropriately act on them?

Such questions are not always adequately answered in Christendom. Such a lady as myself travels on through life, trying to keep hope alive, trying to do everything right, and knowing there are much tougher storms which others endure, heavier crosses as they say, and I should continue to be grateful for the one I’ve got. In fact, I am grateful to get such a response from a couple of good looking guys, maybe angels for the moment whom I’ll not see again. And I am more inclined than ever to step up my work out routine, and perhaps return to the same location with a little more confidence.


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Valerie L. Parent
    Aug 30, 2012 @ 19:33:33

    Karaoke sounds like a fun way to mingle. You said you were not planning on meeting anyone, I think that’s a safe way to keep from being disappointed. Deep inside we all want to meet that right person when we are going solo, but it’s still fun to just go out and have fun without expectations. I met my husband through a Christian advertisement page in the local newspaper. This was before the home computer age. He was looking for a ride to church and I was afraid to call him at first. I never thought I could get up the nerve to contact his voice mail through the paper account. It took me a week to think up what to say to him and keep it simple. He was the first contact I received, I say many more messages in my phone account, but I never listened to them. I liked Rick and wanted to get to know him without being confused by choices. I just got lucky he was a good guy who believes in the Bible the same way as me. He’s not perfect, (has a bad habit of swearing) but then neither am I. I use to look toward the world to meet guys, even guys that were Christian did not really seem compatible with me. I guess what I’m saying is that you might feel more compatible with a Christian group, I hope there’s some in your area. They still have their share of creeps who are looking for vunerable women, but you are a very strong lady and can see through all that. Thanks for sharing your experience, you live in an amazing area and I enjoy seeing it though your eyes.


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